the way forward

Post 88 of 90.

I think you could say I'm in the process of backfilling and confirming details for a decision that has pretty much already been made. This will probably be ongoing for a little while yet, but not too long.

I felt confident enough in my own deliberations to share details with close family members, and they concurred that it seemed like a promising course of action.

This was an important step for me, but it also felt crucial that I practice containment for some time prior and keep my own counsel for a while before mentioning anything.

Some preliminary groundwork may now commence. It will be a while yet before I'm at the point of no return, but the clock is indeed ticking and dates on a calendar have been penciled in.

Time will yet tell whether this part of my own personal life-unfolding can successfully cope with events in the larger outside world, or whether my timing is off (this being the first year of the sixth seven-year cycle of my life).

In relation to this, a lot of anger arrived today, too. All at once, I recognized that events, decisions, and circumstances from long ago, extending back into early adolescence, had done a lot more damage to my personal integrity and ability to function in the world as a human being than I had ever imagined possible. Some powerful patterns and habits of thought, feeling, and action.