gigs/stuff

The gigs on Friday and Saturday were...interesting.

We played really well and we had several full-blown trainwrecks. "Bicycling" was a prime example. Between the two gigs, two run-throughs of "Bicycling" were really good--I thought the first one we played on Saturday rocked--and then we had one that trainwrecked and another where the wheels nearly came off.

With a lot of this music, especially "Bicycling," I'm finding more and more that if I'm hungry to hear the music and my attention is engaged--if I'm "on"--the music will soar and I'm in the flow. If I have a lot of extraneous thoughts and fears rumbling about in my mind, if I'm only partly there, I'm in trouble.

The second set on Saturday was like this for me. I had a lot of "noise" in my system crowding out the "signal." Something changed during the break, but I'm not sure what.

I also noticed during both gigs that I have a whole level of physical tension related to mistakes and fear of mistakes. I hate mistakes. I hate screwing up the music, even a little bit. I get very angry, at others and at myself. I don't find it funny or cute in the slightest.

I need to lighten up. And practice more.

I noticed this persistent physical tension in the middle of Asturias when I made a small slip-up. I made the mistake, and thought, "OK, you've made your mistake, and now you can stop worrying. It's over." And at that moment I felt the tension leave me and I played the rest of the song without any problem.

I suddenly had permission to be less than perfect, and then found myself playing better as a result.

Also, I had a moment on Saturday where I clearly saw a mistake being passed around the circle in the middle of a piece. I experienced a moment of fearful tension, made a mistake, and then I saw Don pick it up and make a small mistake.

It seemed to me also that what was being transferred was the tension leading to the mistake, like some kind of sympathetic resonance. When we're bound closely together in the circle and in tune, it's like our nervous systems are acting as antennae. We are one unit, and each is individual is a smaller part of a total neurology. We are connected.

There is a phenomenon when playing as an individual--I've heard it referred to as "tension chains"--where a "stress point" in a string of notes will cause excess tension and destabilize the notes that follow. In this case, the stress and excess tension of one player was being passed around the group and destabilizing the other players.

It's then up to other players, I suppose, to individually have the excess capacity to deal with not just their own moments of tension, but also to hold fast and absorb the tension emanating from other players in the circuit.

Conversely, Don suggested to me afterward that confidence and ease can also be passed around the circle. So, I would say we also had some moments of positive entrainment within the group.

Are there any group practice strategies and approached to working on repertoire as a group that could help this along?