when the man comes around

A visitor arrived this morning to call on our resident lady ("L") stricken with mental illness.

Around noon, I was in my room when I heard somebody leave the bathroom and knock on a door. The door opened and I heard an unfamiliar male voice greet L in compassionate, joyful tones; right away, I knew this was her counselor and that he had finally arrived to check up on her. He just had that tonality to his voice that said, "The doctor is here and everything is under control." A friend of the family is a professional counselor, and I've heard the exact same note in his voice.

It's funny how you can know so much just from hearing a person's voice.

I heard his voice, and right away I thought, "Her counselor is finally here--thank God!"

He went into her room, they closed the door, and talked. I overheard some of their conversation a few minutes later when I left my room for the shower. She was describing her situation to him, and he would verbally "nod" and ask a question now and then. I could tell they knew each other well, that he understood her history and situation, and that she in turn trusted him.

But, this was also the voice of a person who had a lot of power over her, including the power to determine if she could be allowed to remain out in the world, or if she would be returned to captivity in an institution. He was there to suss out the situation and make a decision.

In the brief space of time it took for me to walk from my room to the shower, I heard enough to tell me that the pressure and responsibility that comes with life on the outside of an institution had taken its toll on her. She said something about how everybody and everything out here in the world was "demand, demand, demand..."

Who knows? Maybe she even wants back into the institution, back into a place where life is ordered and safe, where she clearly understands her role, and where she doesn't have to face the pressure of being responsible. Maybe her escalating erratic behavior was somehow meant to bring this about. All she had to do was keep taking her medication, and things would remain more or less stable and under control. Maybe it's hard to keep up with your medication, maybe not. I don't know.

Time will tell.

Now I'm at Trabant Coffeeshop to do homework.

Tonight is the next meeting of the new circle at Seattle Circle HQ.